Yes, you are reading a blog written by a baby and a child.
Jasmine is debilitatingly awful, but has a way of wearing dresses all of the time and threatening suicide to make you forget or not realize how awful she is. Her love for the Philadelphia Phillies was passed down to her through genetics, along with that freckle on her lip (and all of the other freckles on her face and stuff). When alive, her grandmom would watch the games along with, just, so many cans of Busch beer. She called everyone “bastard” a whole bunch. Her Oma still has a crush on Mitch “Wild Thing” Williams. Get over it, Oma!
Ashley knows way more about baseball than Jasmine ever will. She, too, was born with the genetic Phillies chromosome, and her dad still refuses to believe that she is, in fact, a girl. Well, I guess he remembers that she is, in fact, a girl whenever Scott Rolen exists. Fuck everyone, Ashley will love that man until the day this dumb earth dies (SOON). P.S. If you’re ever looking for someone with whom to quote anything Darren Daulton ever said when he went crazy in that one interview, Ashley has an application for Friendship already notarized.